August 29th, 2010 by admin

Are you having trouble getting rid of your clutter? This is just a symptom of a much great problem.

Your identity is manifested in your belongings. As a result of this, you feel that getting rid of even one book is in some why giving part of yourself away. Now hear me out. I know this is very hard for you. I have been right where you are just few short years ago. I am not as heartless as you make me out to be. I want for you, what I have Peace. This peace came from letting go of the things that had hidden the true me. This process helped me to become MARLA, the MARLA I had never known.

You see, I have always been searching for her, but she was hidding behind the books of a “Wanna Be” Lifestyle: Martha Stewart, Cooking magazines, Decorating Magazines and many other books. None of the things I wanted in my life ever happened until I got rid of my clutter.

My clutter included not only these books and magazines, but numerous collections of family memorabilia that I had clung to. This STUFF was holding me back. I can hear you now. “How could this keep you from being MARLA?” This was part of your heritage. Here’s How!

I was stuck in my Past and wishing for the Future and was not living in the present. OH! Poor me!!! for having a tough childhood or having lived through a bad marriage. I hoped that one day, I could have a good marriage and a wonderfully, lovely organized home. Do you see how I had planted my seeds in, “What had been soil” and “What could be soil” and I was not sowing those seeds in the “HERE AND NOW SOIL” that I was living…. My clutter was my camouflage. With it surrounding me, I did not have to deal with the NOW! I could sit and feel sorry for myself or dream of a fairy tale life.

This is when I began to take inventory of what thoughts I had when I looked at the things around me. If something did not bring a smile to my face, I got rid of it. If I had sad feelings when I saw an item, I gave it new home, by giving it away; a new memory of giving instead of stealing my spirit.

Guess what happened? My life began to change! I got rid of all the items that were holding me in the past and only surrounded myself with things that gave me JOY and filled my heart with Love! This constant influx of Love and Joy peeled back the layers of self-doubt. I emerged from my cocoon of clutter to find my wings and now I am FLYing high. So high that even in my wildest dreams, I never thought of the blessings that I have now. What is keeping your locked in your cocoon of Clutter? Are you ready to find your wings and soar with me. Peace is the journey, not the destination. Each bit of clutter you release allows you to FLY higher.

COME FLY WITH ME!

For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out her website and join her free mentoring group at  www.FlyLady.net or her book, Sink Reflections published by Random House and her New York Times Best Selling book, Body Clutter published by Simon and Schuster. Copyright 2010 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.

August 22nd, 2010 by admin

What is it about clowns that scare some children? Yesterday I figured it out along with a dear friend. Their face tells a different story than what is in their heart. To a child’s instincts they may seem to be hiding something. My dear friend suffered with serious child abuse.  The abuser was her mother. To the world her mother seemed to be nurturing kind person, but behind closed doors she wore another face. She has nightmares about clowns and when the clown face is removed; it is her mother.

My mother was like that too. Everyone loved her. They didn’t see the screaming rude vicious side of her. She put on a different face for them. Are you wearing a lot of different faces and your family can never tell who you are or who you are going to be. It is up to us to change this behavior and make our inside face match our outside face.

When we fall into the trap of perfectionism and pleasing others is when we feel the need to put on another mask. We don’t have to protect ourselves any longer. A wounded animal will pretend to be healthy so it will not draw attention to the wound. Aren’t we all wounded in some way or another? We don’t want anyone to see our pain or our imperfections. We might get in trouble. My dear friend said something yesterday that was so profound that I have to share it with you. Here is what she said to me in an instant message.

There are wounded caregivers that pass on those wounds to their children; what was done to them will in some way be used to be done to you.  The first line of their strategy is to mold our self-concept to suit their wounded needs, but we don’t know they are wounded. They are where we learn everything……….we love them, we trust them even when they hurt us.

As children we can’t afford to know that our very means of survival is wounded so we internalize the blame and incorporate it into our self-concept. Without knowing it, we are using a survival mechanism. It’s safer to think that there are things wrong with us, than things wrong with our means of survival without realizing it, these get formed into our self-concept.

Our inner dialog parrots this back to us. We take our inner dialog as the guidance it was created to be, but we were never taught that any of it was corrupted! We follow it like it is all facts and God’s word.  Even when we get more worldly and learn that all that was done to us, taught to us isn’t necessarily true. We were never taught how to “evaluate” the ongoing stream of inner dialog to guide us.  It never occurred to us that part of the maturing process is learning not only how to think for ourselves but how to edit our own thinking itself!!!

When she wrote this my mouth just hung open in the shock of how simple yet how true her words were. We came up with a simple technique to help her realize when her clownfaced mother was talking from the grave. We would drown out her words with a honking clown horn like Harpo Marks used to honk instead of talking. All of a sudden we started to laugh so hard. We really didn’t have a horn, just the Yahoo image with the clownface and a horn. She began to hear and see her mother as the clownfaced fake that filled her head with negativity. She was deleting her negativity with the laughter and that made the fear go away.

We all have some skewed notions that have been put in our heads; starting with those perfectionism ones. When we can eliminate this Body Clutter from our brains we can begin to replace that corrupted programming with a new way of living our lives, loving ourselves and laughing at the funny things we do.

We no longer have to live in shame thinking that someone is going to find out our dirty little secrets. I want for you what I have; peace. This peace came from replacing the negative programming with kind voices to love me!

Are you ready to FLY and throw away that clown face that is haunting you?

July 26th, 2010 by admin

It is so much easier to clean in a room without clutter. Don’t get overwhelmed by all the clutter; 15 minutes a day over what you do in your routines. I know you don’t think this is going to work, but I promise that those 15 minutes of concentrated decluttering every day will make a difference in your home and your attitude. It is the consistency of eating the elephant one bite at a time that will slowly make the whole elephant disappear.

I have a story to tell you about my Sweet Darling. He is the king of the one bite rule. Several years ago he had a British Sports car; an MG. In fact the car was always being worked on. After a minor car accident the MG was totaled. So he bought a second car the same model for parts.  He is pretty good at fixing anything. It took both cars to keep just one running. He was left with only the stripped down parts car. Over an entire summer, he systematically cut that car(with a hack saw) into dinner plate sized parts and sent it to the landfill one plate at a time. It was his goal to do something to dismantle this car each day.  At the end of the summer he was finished. It was almost therapy for my sweetie: the car had betrayed him. That car was a pain and he got rid of it one bite at a time. Beware of the anger of a patient man.

The reason I mentioned this story, is because in our impatience to see our homes clean, we over-do. Then we get overwhelmed and we QUIT. I want you to do a little every day and not crash and burn: BabySteps, 15 minutes of decluttering and consistency will be the keys to your clean home and your peace.

If you are not being consistent with your routines, even small ones, then you are not going to have your goal of a clean and peaceful home. This hit and miss attitude is what got your home in a mess to start with. You clean like a banshee for two days because of guests, and then when they leave, you let things go to pot because you are worn to a frazzle.

This has got to stop; I want you to enjoy your home, your family and your guests. You can’t do this if you are exhausted. I want your pledge to stop, “crisis cleaning”. That you will commit to doing your routines DAILY, and that you will spend 15 minutes decluttering each day.

I am not the drill sergeant that many of you think I am. I don’t spend all day cleaning. Even when I was decluttering I only did 15 minutes a day. I used the 27 Fling Boogie to declutter our home. It was almost as if I didn’t clean at all. After three months of decluttering every day and doing my routines, our home became a paradise, instead of the pig sty that is was. Every morning and walk into a clean and shining home and it is still a big shock and a GO ME moment for me. I would walk into my clean kitchen and just smile. Some of you know what I am talking about. It is a pleasure to not be greeted by mystery water and yesterday’s dirty dishes and feel like you are behind before you even make your coffee.

I want you to smile when you walk into your kitchen each morning. Visualize your clean and peaceful home. Let go of your perfectionism and impatience and take babysteps. You can do this; if you will just eat this elephant one bite at a time.

July 18th, 2010 by admin

http://www.flylady.net/pages/flyshop_swb.asp

When Leanne and I wrote our book Body Clutter we included a chapter that talked about our ultimate procrastination. This summer I think it is time that we stir things up a bit and looked at our personal plumbing problems.

In our FlyShop we have a tool that we call the Clog Cannon. Right now we are out of them. I just realized that we have other clog cannons in our arsenal. When our pipes get clogged up there is no worse feeling. We are miserable and this is all because we procrastinate about drinking our water, getting a little exercise and eating fresh fruit and vegetables.

Let’s look at what happens when we get in a hurry and don’t take care of ourselves. Being in a hurry causes accidents, this is what has happened to some people I know well. They hurt their knees and I hurt my ankle. When you don’t want to get up and move, you drink less water. For me less water means I don’t flush the salt of out my body. This causes my blood pressure to go up since I am retaining water because of the salt. We all hate that bloated tight feeling, then add to that the fact that less water causes that other pipeline to back up.

For people who have urinary tract infections this could be life threatening. I have never had one so I am blessed. If you get them often then you know just how sick this can make you. Drinking your water can be a simple cure for the plumbing problems in our life. Check with your doctor to see what is recommended for you.

Water keeps everything moving and puts a stop to the ultimate procrastination. Once you know how much you should drink then you have to come up with ways to make drinking your water fun. Here are some of the ways that I have come up with to keep me hydrated and not go overboard and try to drink a lot at once. As in all things moderation and consistency is what works best.

My timer is my best friend when it comes to reminding me to drink up! I start my day with a cup in my bathroom as I take my supplements. This is one babystep of my morning routine. After I am dressed to lace up shoes I head to the kitchen to start my coffee, dust mop my floors and fill up my two water bottles. This is all a game to me as I am racing my coffee maker. In about 4 minutes, I am ready to eat breakfast, drink my coffee and begin work.

I keep some rubber bands on one of my water bottles. Every 15 minutes my timer goes off to remind me to take a drink. I am not drinking a whole bottle at once; my goal is one 17 ounce bottle every hour. After a bottle is empty my rule is that I have to refill it. So I always have a bottle of water ready to go.  This means I am getting up and moving more. Mid afternoon,  I have an apple. After all an apple a day keeps the doctor away. This adds some fiber and helps to keep those clogs from forming. When I roll my rubber band up is my “Go Me” Moment to help me celebrate that I am taking care of myself.

My routines give structure to my day and keep me healthy! If you have issues with clogged plumbing maybe looking at your routines and playing a few games can be your Clog Cannon too.

For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out her website and join her free mentoring group at  www.FlyLady.net or her book, Sink Reflections published by Bantam and her New York Times Best Selling book, Body Clutter published by Fireside. Copyright 2010 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication

July 11th, 2010 by admin

The storm’s a brewing and it is not in the Caribbean; it is in your head. That storm has caused our thoughts to blow wildly in every direction and they become a vicious cycle that plays havoc with our head, homes, families and your business.

Have you ever lost your wallet and began searching for it in a frenzy?You know this feeling of not being in control and running around. The Frenzy started before you lost your wallet. The frenzy is the reason you lost your wallet in the first place. That frenzy is the storm in your head. My goal is to teach you how to calm this storm before it destroys your life, home and business.

We are such control freaks. We don’t want anyone to know that our thoughts are not under control. If people really know how chaotic your thoughts were they would know you didn’t have it together. This is why some of us can keep it together at work and our home suffers. There are others who can keep their home looking nice but their thoughts are still turmoil. The constant churning of their thoughts; keeps them feeling out of control (which they are).

I can give you all the tools to calm the storm on the outside but if you have not controlled your thoughts you are not going to feel the peace that comes with your routines. In fact you may even sabotage that peace because it feels so strange. After all we have prided ourselves in being able to juggle many balls at one time. This is not virtue; it is a cover up so that no one will really know what is going on inside your head. You think this makes you look organized when really it is only making you look like you have it all together so no one will question you.

That storm that is going on in our brains is fueled with self-doubt, perfectionism, guilt, martyrdom and shame. We are not prepared to deal with this storm so we ignore it. In fact it feels normal to us. We have always been this way. We have pushed and pushed trying to do more and more and all we ever do is get further behind and racing to catch up. We have to stop the race and get off of the track to be able to see what we are going to ourselves.

My greatest frustration comes from not being able to articulate this to you in words what will allow you to see what you are doing to yourself. I just want you to be still for a minute. This means to stop your brain from spinning and calm yourself down.

Back to that wallet being lost; that frenzy we are in causes us to make many mistakes. It is only after we stop ourselves that we are able to find it right in front of our own eyes. We had been overlooking it because when that frenzy takes over our heads we lose our senses. We can’t think, we don’t see, we are not listening and we are on guard that no one knows this is happening to us. It is our perfectionism once again but this was happening before you lost the wallet.

When I start feeling this way I have learned to recognize it pretty fast. My body has been calm for a long time. I have my routines in place to prevent this from happening to me. Occasionally this feeling will come up. Now when I am feeling like I don’t know what to do next. I stop all that I am doing and spend 5 minutes making a plan. It is when I am not prepared that this feeling happens. I take those 5 short minutes and take my foot off my accelerator and quit fueling the storm. When you remove the fuel the storm or fire will go out. HEY we can think straight instead of a vicious cycle of swirling thoughts.

It may be hard for you to recognize this storm because your life has always been in turmoil. This is why I gave you the 11 Commandments. I want you to begin to experience moments of calm so that when you are in a frenzy you will know how to get back to that moment and use it to quiet the raging winds and waves that are causing you to lose your mind.

Be Still and the peace will come. Quiet your mind by sitting down. The more you get in a hurry the worse the feeling is going to be. Slow down and set a priority to what has to be done. Do one thing at a time! Not 15 things. You can do this.

We have to get back to why you are in this frenzy in the first place though. Establishing simple routines is going to help you be prepared for the storm when it does come. These routines give you the tools to stop the frenzy before it starts. Are you dressed to shoes? Have you laid out your clothes for tomorrow? Have you eaten today? Have you had your water? Have you taken a break today? Do you have the TV on, stereo and the computer? Has the noise become more clutter in your home that keeps you from having to hear the storm in your brain?

Find your QUIET place! Take a time out for you to calm yourself and focus on what needs to be done next; Not the 15 things that are spinning in your brain. This is what you do with your quiet time; Prioritize those 15 things on a piece of paper and then you have a plan. Start with first things first and move down your list. The five minutes you spend in your quiet place will calm this storm and give you the tools to stop the wind from blowing to the land of CHAOS and
Frenzy.

You can do this. Quiet yourself!

Are you ready to FLY with a plan for preparedness in any storm of life?

FlyLady

Tell me how you pull yourself together when you get in a frenzy! Send it to me FlyLady@flylady.net with CALM THE STORM in the subject line.

1. I put on my favorite calm music without words to settle me down then
2. I get out a pen and paper to help put my thoughts together and prioritize my focus.
3. Then I set my timer and start at the top of the list doing one thing at a time.

June 13th, 2010 by admin

A few years ago I was on the same agenda as Steven Covey. He was the Keynote speaker for the morning session and I was the speaker for the afternoon session. Before we went out on stage, he called me to his dressing room and ask just exactly what I did. He had never heard of FlyLady.

I said, “Dr. Covey it is like this. After they graduate from FlyLady they can understand you.” We all laughed. I told him that once they learn how to use a plain calendar they can go on to other planners; that I help them to establish habits that make using a calendar part of their daily life.

Here it is graduation season. Many high school seniors are leaving the nest. We pray that we have given them to tools to be successful in their lives. My question for you is; did you leave home knowing all you needed to make it in this world.

We were told to go clean our rooms, empty the trash and dust furniture. Washing dishes was used a punishment. Our bathrooms only got cleaned when our mothers could no longer stand it. Now I am not blaming our parents for not teaching us how to do things. This was how they were taught. If on the other hand your mom was born organized, you may not have learned how to cook, clean a toilet or even sweep a floor. How sad to think of our children headed out into the world to live in CHAOS because they were not taught that these things need to be done.

When we are living in that same Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome; we are always in a hurry. Because of haste we waste precious opportunities to teach by example as well as instruction. We whine that we can do it faster just get out of my way. We also say hurtful things that were said to us. “If you can’t do it right, I might as well do it myself or if you can’t do it right then don’t do it at all.” We learned to stay out of our parent’s way. Your children have done this too.

Many of you have joined FlyLady because you were tired of living in clutter and CHAOS. You wanted to learn the basic skills so you could live in a peaceful environment and raise your children differently than you were brought up. In order to accomplish this we have to build foundations of simple habits. Those habits are guided by one simple principle; To Finally Love Yourself. I now that this may sound stupid to you. This helps us to embrace our fun loving spirit and turn house drudgery into a game. When we make it fun; our children want to play too!

Children learn from play and so do you! Play forms the foundation of our knowledge base; even though we live in a world of technology we still need to learn the simple things. Have you ever seen a child who does not love to play with stickers and colored markers?

How do you teach a five year old the concept of a week without looking a paper calendar? How do you teach a seven year old to tell time without using a regular clock? How can you teach a ten year old to clean a toilet if they never see you do it! How can you teach your teenager to use a calendar if yours only has pretty pictures on the top and nothing ever written in?

I feel like all of you are my babies! This is why I practice what I preach. I have a FlyLady Calendar in my bathroom above my scales. This is where I post my daily weight. This is part of my morning routine. My calendar is in front of my face. I see exactly what is on the schedule for today. I know if my calendar is out of my sight it is out of my mind. I also have a gmail calendar that I share with my assistant and Robert. It is on my computer and my phone but my main calendar is in my bathroom where I see it first thing in the morning and the last thing at night.  Where is your calendar hiding?

My goal is to give you wings so that you can teach your babies to FLY right along with you! You will be setting the example in love by building your foundations for them to see. Don’t just let the house clean itself with your lovely routines; be excited about putting an event on your calendar for the whole family to see. This is why we always need a paper back up for our family schedule and our contacts. There is nothing worse than losing everything when your phone drops in the toilet. Are you ready to put on your wings to FLY?

June 7th, 2010 by admin

Does the thought of getting ready to go on vacation make you want to go crawl under the covers and hide for the rest of the summer? Vacations are supposed to be fun not a hassle. We don’t have to dread going on vacation. We always have a good time once we get there. So let’s start now and make it a joyous occasion. We can do this by taking babysteps using the tools that help us most: our timers and Control Journals.

I travel a lot during the year. Michele, my assistant and I have gotten this down to a science. It is always fun to get away from home for a little while, but there is nothing much better than sleeping in your own bed after several days of travel.

You know that feeling you get walking into a fresh clean hotel room. I want you to have that same feeling when you return home after your journey. You can do this very easily by not being rushed and little planning.

Let’s first think about the way you want to come home to your castle. Walking in the door and being greeted with a clean home will make it all worth it. Then crawling into a bed that has fresh clean sheets; these things have to be done before you leave.

Sit down with a nice glass of iced tea and your note cards. I keep my Packing Control Journal on 4 X 6 note cards in a small photo album. These are personalized for me. I have a checklist card for clothes, equipment, my purse and carryon luggage, food, toiletries, speech bullet points, first aid bag and things to do before I leave and when I get home.

Here are the headings for each card.

Travel Arrangement: tickets, car repair, directions.
Food: for car, for condo, to buy once you get there
Clothes: This is a card for each family member with their specific needs.
Equipment: Babybed, stroller, computer, sleep machine, cpap, crockpot, (you get the idea)
Toiletries: main bathroom bag and personalized toiletries for mom and dad.
Things to do before you leave: Stop mail, board dogs, set thermostat, check freezer door.
Things to do when you get home: start mail, get dogs, unpack bags, start laundry.
Clean house checklist. Change sheets, swish & swipe, dishes done, vacuum, hotspots checked.
First aid kit; Medications, bandages, sunscreen, bug spray.

Making this list now will help you get ready to leave without you becoming a vacation banshee.

I have even made a Packing Control Journal just for you to download for free.

http://www.flylady.net/pages/control_journals.asp

Have a great vacation whether you travel or stay home. I just want you to enjoy the process and not get stressed out over it. This summer is going to be fun if we will do a little planning now and not put things off to the last minute.

Are you ready to FLY into Fun this summer?

May 24th, 2010 by admin

From Supersized to Downsized by The FlyLady

We have been living a supersized lifestyle for a very long time. We have homes with lots of closets, big garages and spacious basements. We even drive big cars that bring home more stuff. To make room for more precious things those SUVs have to haul the old unloved stuff to storage units. Our supersized lifestyle needs a supersized paycheck to fund our supersized debt.

As the kids grow up and have lives of their own; all their stuff that you have saved is just waiting for them to come and get it. You think you are holding their stuff hostage so you can see them occasionally, but if the truth be known they don’t want it. So now my question is, why have we held on to things that have no value for our children.

If we don’t downsize our supersized lifestyles, our children will be forced to do it for us after we are gone. We can’t leave them with that burden like our parents did to us. We can’t use our parent’s excuse of living through the great depression. We have the ability to let go of our clutter once and for all time.

I have a fun way to do this. We are going to pretend to move into a new house half the size of the one we are in now. Now don’t panic! You are not all your stuff! In fact all that stuff has been keeping you from having fun. You have spent years organizing it! Now it is time to release your clutter to new homes so that you can find yours.

When you think about moving do not get overwhelmed. We have a systematic way of deciding what we can’t live without. Get out your Give Away, Put Away and Throw Away boxes. Set your timer and just ask a few questions of the clutter.  Pick up one item and make a decision.

Have I used you in the last year?
Do I have a place for you in my new home?
Do you make me smile?
Do you have any bad memories for me?
Do I have two of you?

Each week focus on a new room. Spend 15 minutes each day downsizing one little area. Don’t look at the big picture. It has taken years to accumulate all your baggage. The process of moving only the things you love and use will make your current house feel like a brand new home. Then when it comes time to retire to your cabin on the lake, you will be ready to load the truck. Packing will be a breeze!

May 15th, 2010 by admin

Do you ever feel like you are about to explode? You know that antsy feeling when your skin is prickly or you break out in a red rash on your chest. It is almost as if you feel the need to run or scream but you hold it back. The minute this feeling hits us our face gets hot, our ears turn red and our body tenses up.

What is really going on? Someone has said something or done something and we don’t know how to handle our reaction to it in an effective way to keep us from internalizing our feelings and hurting ourselves.

I believe with all my heart that this is a learned behavior by women. We have been taught to not make waves, to be the peace maker and stay calm. But in our all or nothing way of thinking we can go too far. Men react differently to stressful triggers. At least the good men I know do. They take their stress out on an inanimate object. Did you see what I said? “Take their stress OUT!”

When that flash of adrenaline hits; that is the reason we get hot and antsy. It is because adrenaline has no place to go, we are holding it inside.  Adrenaline release when we are scared is a natural body function.  That “fight or flight” response has saved lives. When YOU stuff those feelings the only person who gets hurt is YOU!

You don’t think you are hurting anyone is the sad part. You think you are preserving the peace. This makes me want to cry. We think as long as the peace is around us that life is good. The only problem is the battle is going on inside of you. This causes your heart to race, your blood pressure to go up and become anxious; all because we didn’t love ourselves enough to deal with the situation. I am not telling you to explode.

We have to learn constructive ways of processing the information that has lit the fire under us. We are going to build a triage sheet for our Control Journal.

Your first assignment is to write down how your body reacts to the stressor.

Then what are some effective ways for you to release the pressure that is building so that you don’t obsess about it. I like to write about it. I look at everything as a teaching moment. What can I learn from this and what can I teach you about how I reacted. Other people may want to draw or write music. Some of us go for a fast walk or a swim, put in a workout video or clean house like a mad woman. I also like to get in a bathtub to process what my feelings are. Once I know them I can write them down. This keeps me from blowing up. My bathtub is my meditation place.

Another thing I like to do is look at the worst case scenario but in a calm fashion. Think through everything and soon the worst thing that can happen can turn into the best thing that can happen. This is hard for you to do by yourself in the beginning. When the adrenaline is pumping our minds are clouded by the steam coming from our ears. This is when it is good to take the pan off of the flame by walking away from the situation toward someone who will listen. For me, I call Tom and say these very simple words, “I need to vent!” He knows that this is his queue to listen so he puts on his headphones.  He is really good about not wanting to fix things. He listens and when I finish letting off the steam he will ask me if I feel better. I always do and then we discuss what is going on. It is always good to have a calm head to help you figure out things. Open up your mouth and let some steam off by talking to someone who will listen.

When you feel yourself getting into a TIZZY, I want you to turn down the fire and use your new ways of dealing with the stress. With this knowledge of yourself, you can begin to put into practice these tools to help you let off steam without having a stroke.

I learned how to do this and you can too! We don’t have to be perfect anymore. {{{HUGS}}} I think you will find many benefits from learning how to process this adrenaline. I can name two right now, You will have fewer accidents and you will not be sick all the time.

Finally Loving Yourself starts by understanding what is happening when it happens and taking actions to prevent you from abusing yourself again.

FlyLady

Our book Body Clutter addressed many of these issues. We have it in audio and the written word.

http://www.flylady.net/pages/FlyShop_book_packages.asp

May 10th, 2010 by admin

We have lived our whole lives being put down because we were unable to live up to someone else’s standards. You know exactly what I mean! As children we were continually fussed at for not being able to keep our rooms clean. When we went in there to start, we would be completely overwhelmed and no one understood what was the matter!

Now as adults we are still have to deal with those accusing tongues! You know the put downs you have received from family members; Mother, husband, sisters-in-law, sisters, and even your children.  Most of these people are Born Organized (BO) and have no clue why you just can’t clean your home! For them it comes naturally! For us, we need to be taught! We are not stupid, lazy or slobs! We just don’t do things the way they do. Let’s face it; it is hard for anyone in the family to live up to their standards. Could that be why they are not much fun to be around…..

They are caught up in their perfectionism and don’t know how to get off of that destructive merry-go-round. There is a fine line between BOs and SHEs(Sidetracked Home Executives). That line is perfectionism. BOs tend to go past that line into obsessive about cleaning. SHEs feel that if we don’t have enough time to do it perfectly, then why even bother. We were taught if you can’t do it right, then don’t do it at all! We do as we are told.

Let’s look at what happens when we are confronted with some of those unkind words coming from our loved-ones mouths. I really hate to use that term, because they are not loving when they judge us! Love is unconditional. Their love is only if we live up to their standards.

The nasty words can be in snide little remarks or in actions. It doesn’t matter they all hurt just the same. As children we would get in tiffs with our friends and blurt out, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” As adults, those kind of words do hurt! Here is how!

Your mother comes over and you really know in your heart that she is going to look down her nose or say, why can’t you just keep the house clean. It is the same when your husband gets mad because he can’t find any clean socks. You jump up with that serge of adrenalin and get started doing something, anything to look busy! You are running around with your head cut off and you can’t seem to accomplish anything but spinning. We have lived off of this adrenalin since we were children. Let’s call it fast food. Yes it gives us the spurt of energy for a while, but we can’t sustain it for very long. Then we crash and burn. Our anger has been turned inward on ourselves. So with each nasty unkind word, we let a little more of our spirit die; even if those unkind words are only in our heads.

I want to teach you how to take a different Flight Plan for your life. You don’t have to eat their fast food anymore! Don’t listen to those voices in your head and make assumptions about what people are thinking. I want you to FLY (Finally Loving Yourself) and it is not going to happen in a few short weeks. Follow a simple morning and before bed routine, declutter just 15-minutes a day and get dressed to shoes and fix your hair and face every morning first thing. Before long you will not care what they have to say, because you know in your heart that you have the Flight plan that will get you out of the CHAOS. You have been starving for just a few crumbs of acceptance from your loved ones. The only way that you are going to be fed, is if you feed yourself with the love and attention you deserve. You can do this! BabySteps will help you to find the substantial nourishing food you need to sustain your Flight! The adrenalin you have been living on, only leaves you wanting.

Scarlett said in Gone With The Wind,(I have paraphrased it) “As God as my witness, they aren’t going to lick me. I’m going to live through this, and when it’s all over, I’m never going to be hungry again.” I want for you what I have; PEACE. When you get a small taste of peace, you will never like adrenalin fast food again. No more crash and burn from your self-loathing! You will be FLYing!

Are you ready to FLY?